The State of Illinois has raised a general "alert" to signal what it is calling the "imminent candidacy" of Alan Keyes for U.S. Senator.

"We just wanted people to be on their guard," said Pierre Dupont XXXV, a minor functionary in the Illinois Department of Vagueness.

Alan Keyes has apparently agreed to enter the Senate race against Barack Obama in Illinois. "It's a genuine matter of concern for most people," said Dupont. "I certainly would want to know before I went about my daily business."

Some have already blamed Keye's candidacy for causing a large drop in job growth reported this morning, while others are concerned that Keyes's forceful but insane oratory will cause crop damage, tornados, and coastal flooding.