Wants To Make Sure An American Wins, Among Other Things

President Bush tonight, acknowledging what he called the "overwhelming importance" of ensuring that the upcoming Presidential election is fair and accurate, and that "every person's vote is counted properly," has designated a panel of Olympic judges to oversee matters in the U.S.

"I can't think of a better group of people to do it," said Bush.

Administration officials stated that the President was concerned, among other things, that "some fantastic Russian" or "well-developed South Korean" might outperform American candidates and somehow steal the election. "We want to make sure that, at the very least, no foreign nationals can steal it," said Scott McCllellan.

"No one is more concerned than I am that the operation of democracy be impeded in any way," said Bush. "That's why I have created this blue ribbon panel. Let freedom reign."

In other news, President Bush was rounding the last lap of a record 365 vacation days in office, and is expected to earn himself a page in either the Guinness Book of Records or Ripley's "Believe It Or Not" just before he accepts his party's nomination sometime next week.