August 16, 2004
Bush Says Kerry Soft On Weather
Electing Kerry Is Just What Terrible Weather Wants, Says GOP
President Bush, while touring hurricane-ravaged Florida today, called John Kerry "soft on weather" and claimed that "bad, bad weather" would be absolutely thrilled to see Kerry in office this November.
"That's just what Charley wants," said Bush. Bush announced plans to invade Cuba and Jamaica in what he called a "preemptive strike" against future Category 4 hurricanes. "I don't know why these countires want to send their bad weather here," said Bush. "But they've gotta stop it."
President Bush hailed the Governor of Florida as an "ally in the war on weather" and asked Congress to send $100 billion dollars to Florida because "we reward our friends -- that's what you do to friends, you reward 'em."
In other news, today FEMA awarded Halliburton a no-bid contract to rebuild Florida.
Many thanks to Dave Pell of Electablog for the concept and headline. Now everyone should immediately go check out his blog, too.