Better Safe Than Sorry, Says Bush

U.S. officials discussing the idea of postponing Election Day to prevent a terrorist attack instead held it nearly four months early, in order to prevent what they called "a possible terrorist-related disruption of the democratic process."

"It was J. Paul Bremer's idea," said Enrico "Ticky" Tavi, a member of a secret commission responsible for the change. Tavi said the Commission is in charge of "safeguarding democracy."

"I'd say we achieved a real 'July surprise,'" said Tavi. "We sure caught those terrrorists off guard."

Although turnout was at a record low -- only a little more than 50 votes were cast -- George W. Bush carried every state, and won every vote except one.

"We're still looking for that guy," Tavi said.