July 21, 2004
Lay Unaware He Was CEO Of Enron, Say Lawyers

Thought He Was Retired From Small But Lucrative Dentistry Practice, They Claim

Lawyers for Kenneth Lay today claimed that Lay not only knew nothing of the corrupt and illegal practices of Enron, but was shocked to learn that he had been CEO of the company.

"So that's where all those large checks were coming from," Lay is reported to have said.

While Lay had initially advanced the claim that he knew nothing of any illegal practices -- and indeed, it seems, nothing of the day-to-day operations -- of the company that he ran, his lawyers today decided to "take Lay's defense a little further."

J. Frumious Bandersnatch, Esq., explained that Lay had thought that he was retired, and that all of his money had come from an extremely lucrative dentistry practice he had invested in years ago.

"He knew the money had something to do with drilling, but that's about it," Bandersnatch said.

Lay was also said to be surprised to learn that George W. Bush was President, that he and his company had been the top contributors to Bush for many years, that he had asked Dick Cheney to appoint an energy industry lackey to the directorship of the Federal Energy Regulation Committee, that Cheney did, and that "Friends" was no longer on television.

A tip of the hat to Doug Everett of KDVS-FM for the idea.

Posted by Tom Burka at 1:40 PM in News