May 21, 2004
Chalabi Said To Have Posed Imminent Threat To U.S. Wallets, Pocketbooks

Search Of Chalabi Home Turns Up Only A $33 Million Watch

The U.S., pretending to an arm of the Iraqi Provisional Authority, invaded Ahmed Chalabi's house today, because Chalabi was deemed to be an "imminent threat" to the nation's pocketbooks, Donald Rumsfeld said today.

Rumsfeld initially claimed not to have any knowledge of the invasion, saying that the action had been mounted by members of the Iraqi government. However, he admitted that he had actually given the order to invade Chalabi's home when confronted with the fact that no Iraqi government yet exists. "Oh yeah," he said.

J. Paul Bremer, the U.S.-installed Occupational Czar of Iraq, was disappointed by how little was discovered in the raid of Chalabi's home, since he had been "fairly sure" that that the missing WMD would actually turn up inside.

"That would have been perfect," said Bremer, sitting next to a stack of Agatha Christie novels. "I mean, only a month ago we were still paying the little creep."

Chalabi is unfazed by the sudden downturn in his relationship with the United States. He was last seen in negotiations with cleric Muqtada al-Sadr.

"I can tell you a lot about the Americans," he is said to have boasted.

Posted by Tom Burka at 1:44 PM in News