May 31, 2004
Cable Networks Planning To Add All-Chalabi Channel
All Chalabi, All the Time Is Only Thing That Will Satisfy American Public, Say Networks
Cable networks across the country announced today adding the "Chalabi Channel," in order to sate what they called "the insatiable appetite" of American consumers for news, discussion, and entertainment revolving around former-good-guy-turned-bad-guy Ahmed Chalabi.
"I, for one, just can't get enough," said Vinnie Schlockboom, a coal miner from Grundigsville, Pennsylvania. As Mr. Schlockboom dug into a huge movie-theater-sized container of hot-buttered popcorn, he lay back in his E-Z-chair and quickly surfed television channels for any tidbit about the "newly exiled exile."
"It's a classic American tale," said Princeton English Professor Hilda Hammerman, "Good man woos country, good man gets thrown out of country, good man gets country, good man turns out to be lying thief, trickster and traitor, has house continually raided, loses country."
Kevin Drum of the blog Political Animal and Josh Marshall of Talking Points Memo have been signed on to sort out the facts and talk endlessly about the never-ending stream of developments and revelations about Chalabi. Richard Perle and Newt Gingrich will mud-wrestle Condoleezza Rice on "White House Rumble!" to get her to reverse the White House decision to stop associating with the same man to whom they paid millions so that he would tell them exactly what they wanted to hear.
A sitcom called "Chalabi and Friends" is reportedly in development. It will feature Ahmed Chalabi and a host of "unlikely political characters" who live in two apartments across the hall from each other bed-hopping and switching partners until the show goes into syndication.
Posted by Tom Burka at 9:34 PM