April 1, 2004
White House Order For Double-Shot No Foam Skim Latte Caused National Security Breach

A White House aide trusted with sensitive national security information was detained in a "safe house" for weeks after he accidentally ordered a "no-holds-barred, resurrected, non-functioning ICBM missile shield" instead of a double-shot no foam nonfat latte at a D.C. Starbucks in early September of 2001.

"It was a natural mistake," the aide, Kenneth Katonka III, said. "At the White Hosue and Pentagon we ate, drank, and slept missile shields. So I ordered one."

"Yes, we wanted a $100 billion missile shield," said Rumsfeld. "But I also wanted a latte. Mr. Katonka got the orders confused."

News of Katonka's detention reignited the firestorm burning in Washington over whether the Bush Administration incompetently missed the boat in predicting that the worst threat to America would be Saddam Hussein's development of huge nuclear missiles that could threaten the United States.

"So we were a little off," said Rumsfeld.

Condy Rice denied that there was much emphasis on a missile shield, despite a speech she was scheduled to make on September 11, 2001 making the creation of a missile shield to protect the U.S. against "rogue ICBM's" the cornerstone of U.S. national security policy.

"Mr. Katonka's account is simply, completely, utterly false," she said. "I wanted a caramel machiatto."

Posted by Tom Burka at 8:17 AM in News