Opinions You Should Have Newsroom Struck by Lightning; Power Surge Shorts Out Managing Editor

The newsroom was struck by lightning as recently as last Friday, shorting out the managing editor, and plunging the staff of O*Y*S*H into chaos. Scores of great stories were incinerated on the way to press.

The managing editor is being taped together with duct tape (which can fix anything, really). Barring another national disaster, we expect business to resume as usual by this evening.