February 25, 2004
Pentagon Report Warns Bush His Shoelaces Are Untied

Could Trip And Fall, Says Document

The White House recently became concerned about a Pentagon report warning of potential serious problems Bush could face as a result of a "footwear failure" that could "trigger a tragedy."

The report notes that Bush could fall and "skin his knee," causing him discomfort or "embarrassing the nation," and cautioned that a fall into a visiting Prime Minster or during a State visit could "ruin relations with foreign nations for years to come."

The White house has convened a commission to advise the President on the dangers of failing adequately to "secure his podiatric device" and possible remedies, such as "redundant reinforcement" -- double-knotting -- and expects a report as soon as July.

The White House has been so busy with the shoelace report, the general election campaign, and banning gay marriage, that it has not had time to look into a Pentagon report presaging a world disaster --including rioting, nuclear disaster, and apocalypse -- if global warming is not stopped, said Scott McClellan.

"Oh, we have plenty of time," said McClellan. "We have until 2020 before the world as we know it ceases to exist."

Posted by Tom Burka at 12:12 PM in News