February 26, 2004
Bush To Allow 9/11 Commission To Ask Twenty Questions
President Bush, in the spirit of fully cooperating with the 9/11 commission, has agreed to permit them to ask him twenty questions in a closed session on a Sunday behind the old gnarled oak tree next to the Thomas Jefferson memorial in the dead of night under a new moon during the Year of the Ox.
"We're confident that this compromise is one which the commission will gladly accept," said Scott McClellan. The compromise was the result of "meeting halfway" between the unlimited numbers of questions under oath in an open session that the commission wanted and the President's initial offer of no questions whatsoever in a closed session with a representative of the President, a norwegian hedgehog named Bruce.
Thomas Kean, chairman of the commission, is to ask the first question of the President, namely, "Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?". The last question is expected to be "Does it require specific knowledge to use it?"
"We're pretty sure it's either a verb, or a secret," said vice-chair Lee Hamilton.
"We need to know what went wrong on 9/11 in order to make sure we're doing everything we can to make this country secure," said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. "The President feels that there is nothing more important than making this country secure -- except, perhaps, getting reelected."
The twenty questions are, in reverse order:
20. Is it a secret? Yes.
19. Does it require specific knowledge to use it? Yes.
18. Does it bring joy to people? No.
17. Was it invented? No.
16. Does it store information? Yes.
15. Do you use it at night? No.
14. Does it make sound? No.
13. Is it pleasurable? No.
12. Do you know any songs about it? Yes.
11. Is it considered valuable? Probably.
10. Does it grow over time? No.
9. Can it be heard? Yes.
8. Is it man made? Yes.
7. Can you get information by using it? Yes.
6. Does it help accomplish tasks? No.
5. Is it part of something larger? Yes.
4. Is it small? No.
3. Would you find it in an office? Yes.
2. Does it have writing on it? No.
1. Animal, vegetable, mineral, or other? Other.
Questions supplied by 20Q.net.
Answer not yet supplied by President Bush.