February 1, 2004
Bush, Blair Nominated For Irony Awards

Awards ceremonies positively took over Opinions You Should Have for the third day in a row, as Tony Blair and George Bush were nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Other nominations included Saddam Hussein, for "Most Benevolent Dictator," Dick Cheney for "Handsomest American," and former Alabama Chief Judge Roy Moore for "Champion of the Separation between Church and State."

The Nobel prize institution, which has been criticized in recent years for being "overly political" and "just silly," took pains to emphasize that the nominations this year reflected a "new seriousness," rather "a complete surrender to the absence of judgment and thought in selecting nominees," as some have said.

"George Bush brilliantly used the military to force peace upon the war-loving is," said Pietra Sjordihorgi, a Swiss philanthropist who tortures small animals to stop animal abuse.

Silica Myoderovich, a Russian scientist who boils old sneakers in order to ameliorate foul smells, commented, "Pre-preemptive war -- involving the use of military force to prevent the contemplation of activities seeking to start programs that might be focused on the development of possible weapons that could be used to start hypothetical wars -- is a brilliant idea."

"It is deserving of some form of pre-recognition," he said, turning on the Superbowl.

Posted by Tom Burka at 9:00 PM in 2004 Year In ReviewNews