A confluence of events that could only be the work of a secret conservative cabal headed by Roger Ailes and Rupert Murdoch (the Axis of Weevils) has prevented the large, multidinous staff of Opinions You Should Have from fulfilling its mission of posting a new article in the past day or more.

The management apologizes for any inconvenience this has caused its fine, brilliant, winsome readers and promises an article this very evening.