January 14, 2004
White House To Promote Marriage Of Neil Bush And Britney Spears

The White House is planning to spend $1.5 billion to promote the institution of marriage. It is starting by encouraging Neil Bush and Britney Spears to act as "marital role models" and marry each other.

The marriage of Britney Spears and Neil Bush is to kick off the epic celebration of the sacred institution, and to demonstrate "just how special marriage is," according to Gladys Halfwit of the U.S. Commission on Marriages Sanctioned By The Conservative Base.

After the ceremony, Britney will perform "Oops, I Did It Again," and the couple will then honeymoon in Thailand, "a favorite of Neil's," said Halfwit.

Britney, who is a republican, said through a spokesperson, "Marry Neil Bush? I mean, ewww. How gross is that? But it's my duty to the country."

Neil Bush again noted that he lives an absolutely charmed life.

"The real question," leaked Dick , "is whether $1.5 billion is enough, given the current deficit, to spend on marriage. Hell, I know lots of guys who spent way more than that getting divorces."

Posted by Tom Burka at 12:54 PM in News