January 2, 2004
Regarding The Stewardship Of The American Empire

President Bush's chief of staff dismissed as "a moot point" any lingering question about whether Bush relied on faulty intelligence to justify the invasion of .
To The Secretary Of The Press:

Please accept the following advice on which to base your intercourse with the gentlemen in the press gallery. It is my observation that the stories to which that brood assign great importance are, in fact, of little consequence to the course of this great Nation. This is especially true when you accept that everything we do is right. It will be mutually beneficial to the members of the press and this institution to convince the People that this is the case. I therefore forward to you my recommendations for addressing inquiries about these matters.

1. The War With Iraq

Moot. It is, of course, not of the least moment the substance of the communications between the American President and the People over whom he presides, in urging them to accept that most consequential of decisions -- the decision to go to war. When the President himself is confident that, whatever the reason, war is necessary, that is the end of the inquiry. This is especially true where, as here, the war has satisfactorily been concluded and some matter of substance has been gained, even if the initial momentum toward war be founded upon a flagrant misunderstanding of the situation.

Please continue to avoid any discussion of our efforts to diminish the accumulating costs of caring for and transporting our wounded and dead.

2. The Incident Concerning Madame Plame

Moot. I merely reiterate our longstanding position: Madame Plame's reputation for the transaction of surreptitious activities was the subject of many a Washington conversation and her identity altogether less than clandestine; she was not an Agent, but was merely an Analyst; and Robert Novak is not really a writer, in even the broadest definition afforded the title.

We are confident that none of the highest-ranking members of our institution can be connected to the scandal, and we may continue to deny involvement without fear of rapprochemént.

3. The Reduction of Tax Levies Upon The Affluent

Moot. The alleviation of governmental pressure upon the monied classes is beneficial to the economic health of the Nation, and will prove so once the money trickles onto the heads of the fortunate subjects remaining below.

The measure of stock market value is again inclining upward, the purses of the privileged are bulging, and the lending of money is at a most felicitous apex. No more need be said.

4. The Lack Of Gainful Employment For The Lower And Middle Classes

The constant harping upon the temporary loss of remuneration among those of the less fortunate classes is thankfully easing now. The recurrent lowering of the rate of the primary interest to virtually nothing has finally introduced into the national economy some life-giving warmth, not unlike the body of one forced to imbibe a draft of holiday cheer in order to chase away the pallor of neglect. In our circumstance, we have poured enough sherry into the body to wash it away, but it has finally brought some vigor to the near corpse that is the economy. We may thus claim victory and ensure the public that a return to full employment is near; we can only hope that we can maintain our present course until after the election.

More to the point, surely these people have something to do with their now-copious free time.

5.The Election Of The Austrian Strongman

We must maintain a relationship with Mr. Schwarzenegger of sufficient character that we may take credit for his successes and maintain distance from his failures. In this way we have some hope of carrying the state, however imbalanced it may be, in November.

6. The Possibility Of Gaps In Our Control Of Domestic Terrorism

With respect to the discovery of implements of cataclysmic impact at home, it is best that we not speak of this at all. It is my hope that our inattention to these matters does not receive unfavorable attention due to the occurrence of an untoward incident. As you know, it would be difficult to pursue those objectives we adjudge favorable to the course of the Nation were we to focus upon such. We must make sacrifices in order to ensure our occupation of the White House and secure our ability to work toward the Greater Good.

With Great Sincerity, I Remain
Yours, etc., etc.,

Chancellor Karl Rove

Posted by Tom Burka at 4:41 PM in NewsTop Stories