Explains A Lot

Today, the Rat Pack's Peter Lawford revealed that the woman calling herself Judith Steinberg Dean, the wife of Democratic contender Howard Dean, is actually Dean Martin. He claimed that Martin had not died, but instead had a secret "sexual identity transplant" years ago, and that he had "found a new life.'

"You can understand why they've been hesitant to let her go on the campaign trail," said Brandon Lawford, a nephew who speaks for the dead Peter Lawford.

Lawford noted that Howard Dean was unaware of Judith Dean's terrible secret until a year ago, when Judith's impromptu performance of "Everybody Loves Somebody" at a small cocktail party sent a shock of recognition through the room that ended with a stunned silence. It was an unsettling revelation for the ambitious Governor of Vermont.

"Now you know why Howard Dean's so angry," said Lawford.

Lawford said that although it has been difficult for the couple, they have managed to accept things as they are and make some kind of peace with each other.

Sometimes Howard and the rest of the Dean family gather together to watch as Judith dangles a cigarette from her lips, takes a sip of a martini and sings, "That's Amore."