Sinners Can Opt-Out, But Will End Up In Hell, Bush Says

Gov. Jeb Bush told nearly 800 prisoners Wednesday that religion can help lead them to a better life as he dedicated the nation's first faith-based prison -- an institution officials hope will lead to fewer repeat offenders.

Florida governor Jebediah Bush launched the country's first faith-based postal system today, pledging to "carry the mail of the faithful." He said that non-believing sinners could opt-out of the system, but cautioned that only his postal system took letters "back and forth with God's blessing."

Gospel choirs and religious statuary have been added to post offices throughout the state. Inside, the offices have the standard service windows for registered and unregistered mail, packages, and express mail, and a new window for confessions.

At a dedication ceremony today, postal workers were met with cries of "Sort it!" and "Send that letter!" as a choir sang "I Write The Words," a gospel rendition of Barry Manilow's "I Write the Songs."

Governor Bush says he cannot promise that letters to God will be met with answers. "Despite my enhanced relationship with the Lord I cannot promise that. But it can happen. Just rememember to include a SASE."