January 30, 2004
Capture Of Bin Laden In Preproduction; Slated For October Release

The long-awaited "Capture of Osama bin Laden" is in preproduction for a fall release, says an excited U.S. military. The film is expected to do "boffo business" at polling places all over America.

"We've already filmed some of the essential 'weapons and money found in Osama's hiding place' shots, and location scouts are narrowing in on a site for principal photography," said General Clive O'Selznick O'Hara, of the U.S. Army's 4th Cinematography Division.

"I have some brilliant ideas for shooting 'Osama," brilliant," said Col. David Stokes. "I can't say what exactly, but it's going to make the most spectacular use of flashbacks."

Special effects experts are busy planning shots of George W. Bush presenting Bin Laden, trussed like a turkey, on a platter to the American people.

"Bush will have a halo from a tightly focused ellipsoidal spot with slightly-shuttered barn doors and maybe an orange gel that we're strategically placing in the distance behind his head, or we can add it in post," said Cheryl Coccaphoon of the 2d Light Engineer's Batallion.

The Army is to apply for shooting permits in the "No Man's Land" in the south of Pakistan, but have been unable to determine yet who precisely has jurisdiction over the area.

Cross-posted at The American Street.

Posted by Tom Burka at 11:03 AM in News