December 9, 2003
Gore To Claim He Invented Dean, Says GOP

Al Gore is set to claim today that he invented Howard Dean, according to GOP stalwarts.

"That guy's just a wacko who takes credit for everything," said Tod Wanksmen, aide to RNC chief Marc Racicot.

Soon-to-be-former Democratic candidates reacted to the announcement.

"If Al Gore wants to say he invented Dean, I have to respect his sorry, lying ass," said Sen. Joseph Lieberman. "I promised not to badmouth Al, and I will respect that, and I have respected that, and I will continue to run the same fine campaign that I--" whereupon Lieberman stopped, having droned himself into a deep coma.

John Kerry, through a spokesman, said, "Al Gore can go fuck himself."

Richard Gephardt had this to say: "Richard Gephardt was standing right next to Al Gore when he invented Howard Dean, and together we forged Howard Dean, and I remember telling Al Gore, you better invent Howard Dean, and I'm glad that Al Gore listened to me when I gave him that sage advice."

General Wesley Clark was too busy campaigning to comment. Dennis Kucinich, Carol Mosely Braun were too busy pretending to campaign.

Al Sharpton said, "I'll tell you this. Al Gore didn't invent Al Sharpton! That's something you can't cook up in a lab. I'll let you in on a litttle secret. I invented Al Gore."

Posted by Tom Burka at 8:31 AM in News