U.S. soldiers are contemplating filing an enormous class-action suit against the makers of shoulder-launched missiles in an effort to "make makers accountable for their makings," said Pfc. Ernst Choler dispeptically.

Shoulder-launched missiles can easily bring down a Blackhawk or Chinook helicopter, are portable and easy to hide, and can be found all over Iraq, in ammo dumps, weapons caches; they can be checked out of libraries if you have a card.

"We're going to get whoever made these fricking weapons, and while we're at it, why don't we go after whoever left them lying around unsecured in vast heaps all over Iraq, easily available to resistance members, terrorists, fugitives, and Hussein sympathizers?" said Corporal Danny Isotope.

Soldiers have named Russia as a defendant, but Russia is set to countersue the United States, who provided the Russian-made weapons to during the Reagan years. Other defendants will be Ronald Reagan, former CIA director William Casey, and Donald Rumsfeld, who arranged the weapons transfer. Reagan, Casey, and Rumsfeld will be exhumed for the proceedings.