Influential Pentagon adviser Richard Perle said on Thursday that Iran was "up to its eyeballs in terrorism" and the United States should quietly be encouraging a democratic revolution from within.

"There are body parts serving as benchmarks everywhere!" he cried. He bemoaned that he had 'had it up to here" with terrorism, skepticism, and paranoia. "If we don't do something soon we'll be in over our heads,' he warned.

A White House spokesman up to his knees in fleas leaked in response that "the White House is examining the situation," noting that it had to juggle considerations that North Korea was "up to its urethra in uranium,' and Syria was "up to its adam's apples in Arabs." He said nothing of the fact that Pakistan is up to its adenoids in al Queda.

Forrest Forthatries, an analyst at the Darren Stephens School of Acting Intelligence, commented. "I don't know about all these reckless accusations. Here in America we're up to our eardrums in assholes."