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    November 17, 2003
    British Tabloid Ditches Page 3 Girls, Moves To Hardcore Pornography

    After coming to office with a vow to restore dignity to the White House, the president yesterday took a brief sabbatical from that effort: He granted an exclusive interview to a British tabloid that features daily photographs of nude women and articles akin to those found in our own National Enquirer.

    The Sun, known for its scintillating reportage amid pictures of buxom beauties posing topless on page three, has ditched the nude models in favor of hardcore pornography, starting with a spread on President Bush cavorting brazenly with a visibly excited Rupert Murdoch.

    "We thought this was the best way to go," said Hugh Persimmon-Sludge, editior-in-chief of the rag best known as the Sun.

    On the new Page Three of the Sun, President Bush and Murdoch embrace each other, tell each other how wonderful they each are, admire each others wallets, cigars, and rolodexes.

    President Bush, who has refused exclusive interviews with every major and minor (read: existing) American newspaper for the past year and a half, had been "saving himself" for Rupert, leaked White House spokesman Scott Mclellan.

    "Oh, you're so big and powerful," Bush was overheard saying to Murdoch during the "interview." Murdoch replied with what sounded like the grunting of an inconconceivably rich Australian owning an impossibly large media empire that threatens to absorb the world.

    "I just want to repay you for all of your kindness," Bush said later, sounding something like a Texan Blanche Dubois.

    Sun editor Persimmon-Sludge refused to describe the interview further, saying only that the two men had spent a great deal of time stroking each others "egos."

    "It's not that big a change, really," said Tycho Firth, a miner in East Chasbrough. "Page Three still has two big boobs on it."

    Posted by Tom Burka at 12:06 PM in News