November 26, 2003
At The Congressional Hotel, Democrats Sleeping In

Despite wake-up call after wake-up call, "movers" and "shakers" in the Democratic Party have elected to sleep in for "a good part of the 21st century," said Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-Ca).

"We've received so many wake-up calls that I've disconnected the phone," said one senator.

Democrats received a wake-up call during the midterm elections, but most of them simply ordered room service. Tom Daschle installed a DVD player in his room and has watched "many enjoyable movies." Richard Gephardt wandered the halls aimlessly, telling anyone he ran into that he "meant well."

After bungling the handling of the Florida recount in 2000, Democrats managed to sleep through round after round of tax cuts ballooning the deficit, gave Bush the authority to invade Iraq -- nuking the economy and any hope for Middle East equilibrium -- and have now successfully passed the largest entitlement program for insurance and pharmaceutical companies ever proposed.

Senators Hilary Clinton, John Breaux, and Joe Biden responded forcefully to the dramatic, watershed failure of the party, ordering extra pillows and asking that the minibars be immediately restocked.

"We did do something, " protested Senator Barbara Mikulsky, while feeding herself at the local trough. "We gave ourselves another pay raise."

Posted by Tom Burka at 12:38 PM in News