November 12, 2003
Alternate Universe
Rumsfeld, Bush, Cheney Take Bremer to Task For Shooting, Gagging Iraqis

Paul Bremer was called back to the White House suddenly today where he was angrily berated by President Bush, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, and others for setting "exactly the wrong tone" and establishing "the worst kind of conditions" in which to construct a democracy in Iraq.

"You can't gag people in a democracy!" Dick Cheney said. "That's horrific!" he cried, speaking of the arrest of an i merely for criticizing the U.S. occupation. "Are we trying to build a democracy or a dictatorship, for Pete's sake!"

Donald Rumsfeld was equally aghast at actions taken by soldiers in the wake of recent attacks, in which soldiers dropped bombs and lobbed mortars onto innocent townspeople just to show "they have teeth and claws."

"Are you people out of your minds?" Rumsfeld said. "Did it ever occur to you that that's exactly the way we're building the resistance? We'll never earn support in Iraq if we use force to intimidate and devastate is and their families, man. Be decent. Be smart."

Sources say Bremer's job is hanging by a thread.

President Bush, the ever-resourceful, wise, hands-on American leader, told Bremer, "The future of the world -- indeed, the future of America -- rests upon the job we do in Iraq. We can do better. We must do better. And, for God's sake, get rid of those damn boots."

Posted by Tom Burka at 8:06 AM in News