Occasional Rockets, Explosions, Hardly Disturb Sleep In Hugely Comfy Bed

A recent attack on the al-Rashid Hotel in Baghdad where Deputy Defense Secretary Paul D. Wolfowitz was staying early Sunday morning, and which killed one American soldier and injured 15 people, has been portrayed "in an unnecesarily poor light by a biased media," according to Wolfowitz.

Wolfowitz said that "the occasional roar of an approaching shoulder-launched missile" or the concussive effects of a large exploding car bomb are like "the distant clap of thunder in a natural paradise" that hardly detract from his comfort at this five-star luxury hotel room fully equipped with gold-inlaid minibar, jacuzzi bath, mahogany desks with ivory trim, and fluffy towels fit for a king.

"We're making excellent progress in rebuilding Iraq," said Wolfowitz, "American naysayers and media harpys are missing just how wonderful things are here."

Wolfowitz's upbeat comments echoed the text of a Wolfowitz memo found tumbling in the breeze amid the debris, wreckage, shrapnel and blood surrounding the site of the attack.

Wolfowitz dismissed the searing bloom of heat from a burning truck struck by a rocket-propelled hand grenade, saying, "That's just the hotel staff firing up their world-class grill."

People ask how Wolfowitz sleeps through the tumultuous war that takes the lives of U.S. soldiers and innocent is almost every day.

"I sleep very well," he said, slipping under the 300-thread-count sheets on his plush, premium bed and resting his head on a trio of King-size down pillows.