October 14, 2003
Congress To Pass Law Allowing Corporations To Hold Public Office; Coca-Cola To Run For President
Pepsi, Others Considering Run As Well
The Republican-controlled Congress, unable to think of any new tax breaks to give major corporations, is on its way to giving corporations the right to hold elective ofice.
"We could give them more tax breaks, sure," said Sen. Don Nickles. "But the fact is, most corporations pay nothing or next to nothing anyway. We want to give corporations some real incentive to stay in America."
Coca-Cola is set to file papers establishing an election committee as early as next Tuesday, and Pepsi is considering "throwing its bottle cap into the ring" sometime in November.
"There's gonna be a whole new meaning to the phrase `cola wars,'" said Brad Esterfelt, a advertising consultant for nGreen, a Madison Avenue Advertising firm. "But Coke is a natural for the presidency, everyone loves Coke, it has an excellent record in both domestic and foreign markets -- it's a uniter, not a divider."
Coke is so confident that it has has leaked a list of possible cabinet officers: Secretary of Defense: Boeing/McDonnell Douglas; Secretary of Agriculture: Exxon; Secretary of Health And Welfare: Phizer; and Arthur Anderson would be named head of the SEC.
Posted by Tom Burka at 10:38 PM