September 4, 2003
New Jersey Man Regrets Villifying French; Wants To Kiss Wife "That Way" Again, Other Things
Frank Durso of New Jersey, who poured 70 cases of French wine into the toilet, hired a dump truck to deposit 500 pounds of dead frogs in front of the French Mission to the U.N., and pulled his son out of french class at school this past February, feels that he may gotten a little "carried away."
"I guess I just got swept up in the whole anti-French thing," said Durso, who, among other things, wishes he hadn't thrown out the 17th century French country table which was the centerpiece of his kitchen.
"I want our hot dog mustard back, our favorite salad dressing, the toast, our Jerry Lewis tapes," he said, wistfully. "I wish I hadn't gotten rid of our poodle."
Durso's 14-year-old daughter is having a hard time forgiving him for legally changing her name from Veronique to Gladys.
"Now I'm Gladys Durso, you bastard," she told him.
Today, Frank Durso practically mourns those lost cases of wine. "I thought I was being patriotic," Durso said in despair. "I was just being stupid."
"I could sure use a couple bottles of that Merlot right now."
Posted by Tom Burka at 12:22 PM