September 7, 2003
Bush Unaware That Big Speech To European Allies Will Be Broadcast Only To Americans

President Bush is to make a prime-time conciliatory appeal to countries that opposed the war in Iraq tonight, apparently unaware that his address will not be broadcast abroad.

"I want all you out there in France and Germany, and the other few countries that did not join our enormous two-country Coalition of the Willing, to know that while we did not all agree on the need to go to war, we can all agree that there is a need to stop the chaos that has sprung from this -- so you say-- unnecessary, arrogant and dangerous war," Bush will say.

Bush is expected to make personal appeals to the leaders of France, Germany, Russia, China, and many others.

"Mr. Chirac," Bush will say, "We like chocolate, and the world thanks you for it. And weasels are an important part of the ecosystem."

It is unclear how Americans will receive the address to the rest of the world that can only be received in their own homes.

Ted Fukes, an insurance salesman in Indiana, was confused: "He's gonna call who a weasel?"

Sally Tendril, a housewife from Michigan, said, "Well, if I were the President of France I sure would give serious thought to President Bush's words and jump right on his bandwagon. And I sure will tell whatever Frenchman is the President of France the next time I meet him."

Posted by Tom Burka at 12:14 PM in News