September 12, 2003
Bush To Hunt Down "Servants of Evil"; Good Servants Hard To Find

President Bush today pledged to hunt down some servants of evil, because, he said, "it's so hard to get good help these days."

Bush, who has lots of servants but is master of none, is now looking for a butler of evil, a gardener of evil, a chauffer of evil, a cleaning lady of evil, a valet of evil, a cook of evil, and "maybe a plumber or an electrician of evil."

Bush also mentioned that a side benefit of coralling some servants of evil is that it would make things harder for the "masters of evil," who would then have to do everything for themselves.

"Then they'd be too tired and busy to do any actual evil," Bush suggested.

The first servant of evil that Bush has his sights on is Juana Magdalena Josefina del Fernando, who works for Evil Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il.

The 28-year-old illegal immigrant was surprised to hear that President Bush was after her.

"Man, I don't want to work for no Bush. I got three sisters working for him already."

Posted by Tom Burka at 11:47 AM in NewsTop Stories