September 16, 2003
Al Qaeda Spokesman Says Spokeswoman Slot Still Open
"Given the choice, it's better to be viewed as a foot soldier for Bush than a spokeswoman for al-Qaeda."

The question of whether it is preferable to be a foot soldier for Bush or a spokeswoman for al Qaeda is becoming highly contested in these days of near-record unemployment.

On the one hand, foot soldiers for Bush are required to hump 60 pound packs across a hundred miles of desert with only hot water and MRE's, stand guard in 120-degree heat while wearing a helmet and a kevlar vest, expose oneself to hails of gunfire, possibly fatal traffic collisions, spend time in Fallujah, and endure unending seperation from one's home and family -- unless, of course, they are posing as "reporters" for Fox News, said a Pentagon spokesman, Mary Strindberg.

Trena Briganti said that reporting for Fox News had its own challenges. "It's not all glamor," said Briganti. "Sometimes it gets a tad hot under these lights and my nose gets all shiny."

The position of spokeswoman for al Qaeda has not been filled, but a recent want-ad denoted the following requirements:

Must live in caves. Ability to travel at night under cover with hundreds of loyal followers required. Must have secret channel to transmit videos to al Jazeera. Complimentary burnooses provided.
A spokesman for al Qaeda said, "We're looking for someone like Aaron Brown, but more feminine."

Posted by Tom Burka at 7:54 AM in News