July 2, 2003
Republicans Make Early Gains In Securing Naked Florida Vote; Placing Nudism On GOP Platform
Time Magazine reports that nudism -- that pasttime which challenges Americans to play ping pong and jump around without jiggling or swinging certain body parts -- has resurged in popularity. The force behind the rebirth? Republicans.
Their key issues are tax reform and terrorism; they like Golf Magazine and GMC Safari vans. And most have kids at home.
Republicans have discovered that nudism promotes key family values, said Ray Blipman, a native of Lake Como, Florida, where skin reigns and clothing stains. "When you see your parents naked, it tends to dampen the sexual appetite a bit," Ray said. "Keeps the youngsters chaste."
It's an abrupt turnaround for Republicans, where bad dressing and a lack of transparency in government have long been the norm.
Democrats are at a loss as to how to combat the Republican liplock on nude bodies. Terry McAuliffe, chairman of the DNC, now claims that Democrats' more casual dress style has always been more closely aligned with the goals of naked people. "Look at James Carville," he said. "Hardly ever wore a suit in his life. Sleeps naked."
Needless to say, the image of a naked James Carville hasn't done much for the Democratic party.
Posted by Tom Burka at 12:10 PM