July 1, 2003
Bush's Talks With God Involve TV, Baseball

Bush Forgets To Ask Key Questions About Assigned Missions

George W. Bush, who recently said that God had told him to fight al Queda, invade , make peace in the Middle East, and "stop smirking so much," revealed that he had forgotten to ask key questions of the Lord and that their discussions usually revolved around old television shows and the state of baseball in America.

"God said I was an idiot to trade Sammy Sosa," said Bush, referring to a poor decision made during his ownership of the Texas Rangers.

Further probing of the nature of Bush's discussions with God puzzled Americans today, particularly God's concern with the stumbling Detroit Tigers franchise. According to Bush, God frequently said, "I gave them some great hitters, but they still can't break .250. What's up with that?"

Particularly disturbing was the revelation that, during his discussions with God, Bush forgot to ask key questions such as, "Where's Osama bin Laden?," "Is Saddam Hussein still alive?," and "What's the deal with Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction?" Instead, he said, "we often discussed Gilligan's Island."

"God was angry about the Mary Anne/Ginger debate," said Bush. "He said people who were focused on which girl they liked best were missing the point."

Posted by Tom Burka at 12:51 PM in News