Today President Bush announced that the apparent killing of two of Saddam Hussein's sons constituted an end to the Hussein regime. Bush shrugged off suggestions that Iraqi opposition might still be strong because the head of the regime, Saddam Hussein, was still at large.

"We may have failed to decapitate the regime, but we got the left and right arm," said Bush. "So now the regime won't be able to pick up anything."

A swarthy man with a beret and a bushy mustache, who was wearing a trenchcoat and standing at the back of the rose garden, snorted derisively during the announcement, but managed to slip away from the festivities before Secret Service agents could apprehend him. Several napkins and an ashtray bearing the White House insignia were later found missing.