June 1, 2003
"Waldorf Transcripts" Show Straw, Powell, Had Excellent Appetites, Knew How To Pick Wine

The Waldorf Transcripts , transcripts of taped conversations between British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw and Gen. Colin Powell in New York's lush Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in February just hours before Powell's "big pitch" to the U.N., have surfaced, and some say they don't look too good in daylight. The transcripts have been anonymously leaked to the press by a member of the U.N. Security Counsel who was lied to about WMD in order to gain support -- in other words, Cameroon.

"We not very happy about this in Cameroon," said an unidentified Cameroonian named Jack deBont Ngongo, who drives a white porsche with the license plate JL45-E and lives on East 51st Street in New York. "Just read this," he said, handing over a portion of the transcripts:

[sound of loud crunching]

Straw: More salad?

Powell: No, no Ė but you canít beat those apples and walnuts. Whoever thought of this was a genius.

Straw: Quite, quite. And this sherry is absolutely superb.

Powell: Damn fine.

Straw: Not like those intelligence reports.

Powell: [gunshot laugh] No. [to waiter] Can we get more of these , uh, little crackers?

Unidentified Waiter With Boom Microphone: Of course.

Powell: Nope, those reports don't have the crispness or the fine finish of this 1897 Chateau neuf de pape. Theyíre [expletive deleted].

Straw: Quite right, old chap. [talking with mouth full] I wish we had something REAL to present to the U.N. (to waiter) I need a clean fork.

Powell: Iím very troubled by it. Damn, this paté is outstanding.

Straw: Croissant?

Powell: Thanks.

Ngongo said, "Listen to that. We met with him just an hour before and we were famished. What did we get? Baloney."

Posted by Tom Burka at 4:47 PM in News