June 8, 2003
Unemployment Rate Skyrockets To 6.1%; Bush Team Calls It "Great Opportunity for Economic Growth"

Prefers To Call Unemployed "Democrats"

Faced with the longest sustained period without job growth since the period before World War II (that is, since the Great Depression), the White House noted that the enormous number of lost jobs shows that the economy is recovering. White House economists explained projections had been for even more massive job losses: "Frankly," said Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao, "We are encouraged by the pace of the lack of growth."

White House economists pointed to record purchases of flat screen TVs and Playstation 2's with maxed-out credit cards as a sign that the economy is doing well. (One umployed person explained: "There are no jobs out there. Might as well sit around and play Medal of Honor.")

While the White House was toying with a variety of phrases for the unemployed, such as "previously owned workers," and "pre-employed laborers," Karl Rove simply called them "Democrats."

"Typical democrats," said Rove,"losing their jobs and blaming it on the Republicans. Next thing you know they'll be whining that they can't afford adequate health care."

Vice-President Dick added, "I know there are some real people out there who might be in-between jobs, but this is just a phase. "

"After all," he continued, "Everyone I know is working."

Posted by Tom Burka at 4:55 PM in News