June 30, 2003
Hispanics Officially Named Largest U.S. Minority; Hate Groups Scrambling To Redirect Hate

Prejudiced groups and individuals asked for more time to refashion discriminatory behavior and simple bigotry after an announcement that Hispanics, not African Americans, are now the largest minority group in America.

Justin Flatbean of South Carolina, known for first calling the Hebrew language "Hebonics," needed more time to fashion a suitably derogatory term for the Spanish language. "These latinos are always jabbering away in this other language," he said. "And they don't speak English good."

While some hate groups were surprised by the development, others have been relatively quick to adapt. Brendan Todd, Grand Wizard of the KKK, noted that his group had been prejudiced against Hispanics for a long time already, so they "have a head start."

Republicans were not so fortunate. They were considering redrawing school districts to ensure that Hispanics were forced to go to poorly funded and deteriorating public schools. "This will take a lot of time," said a unidentified Republican Congressman, Tom Delay. "We've got a lot of instiutionalized racism that needs to be overhauled to account for the change. The only step we've taken in anticipation of this was getting a lot of token Hispanics in Republican positions, so I think we're okay there."

Posted by Tom Burka at 1:00 PM in News