Gerald Fishenbote declared today that his wife possessed serious "weapons of mass destruction," declared that she was dangerous, and asked the White House for urgent intervention to prevent her from using them. He also asserted that his wife was a ruthless dictator who unrelentingly tortured him with a social calendar that included dinners with unbearable couples and saddled him with inhumane tasks that turned him into a virtual slave during those few hours when he wasn't working to bring home money, which she controlled completely and spent on whatever she deemed appropriate. He told congressional leaders in his district and the White House switchboard that he was "pretty sure" she had a nuclear arms program, and possessed a stockpile of dangerous chemical and biological weapons that she kept "behind the bathroom mirror."

He asked for a rapid deployment of U.S. troops, and $100 billion dollars for rebuilding his home after the invasion. "Either that," he said, "or maybe just redo the kitchen."