April 16, 2003
Bush Declares War Goal Met; Hussein's Weapons of Mass Destruction Gone

President Bush, in a press conference held at 4:10 a.m. today, said:

The Hussein regime harbored terrorists and possessed enough fissionable plutonium to extinguish the planet. It had a nuclear weapons program that was designed to build a nuclear bomb much larger than Eqypt, had tons of biological weapons -- Powell, show them the fake anthrax vial -- that could have killed us all, and chemical weapons that, as I understand it, were weapons containing chemicals. Now all of those weapons of mass destruction, as you can all see, are gone. I thank God that we were able to act so swiftly to eradicate a menace which so urgently threatened us all. The gun which Saddam Hussein was holding up against our heads has been taken from him, the bullets removed, and the revolver holstered. Americans can sleep more soundly, as they are no doubt sleeping now.

Our coalition forces -- meaning U.S. forces and a British guy -- are now scouring Iraq to see if any traces of these terrible weapons still exist. But I am pleased to say that our mission worked -- our military served us -- and it appears that, in Iraq at least, they have effectively vanished due to our intervention.

God bless us, God help the American People, and God -- An American God -- bless the Iraqi people.

After the conference, Bush had an early morning jog and a lengthy discussion with his wife about Katie Couric's hair.

Posted by Tom Burka at 11:14 AM in News